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And at over two hours, it’s far too long. It is not, by any normal criteria, a great film. Instead, prepare for a fiesta of excess, with bikini chicks, hip-hop bangers, meat-headed brawls in warehouses and lines such as, “Nice legs. Don’t expect precision-built scheming: the plot is tosh. Watch your favourite shows from Star Plus, Star World, Life OK, Star Jalsha, Star Vijay, Star Pravah, Asianet, Maa TV & more online on Disney+ Hotstar. Knowing that this one plays perfectly, I am now hopeful this will work just as well, and I can complete the 4K collection. It requires the talents of all the old franchise ‘favourites’, from Tokyo street racer Han (Sung Kang) to mechanic Tej (Ludacris), though the film’s only street race is hastily skipped over. Why release Fast and Furious 1,2,3,6,7, and 8 - but not 4 or 5 So the next thing to do is order number 4 (Fast and Furious), and hope this imported disc will also play in the UK. Their plan is to jack a corrupt businessman for $100 million - a sum that, in a film this overblown, seems positively unambitious. In what may or may not be a reappropriation of the script for The Brazilian Job, the aborted Italian Job sequel, the set-up has Diesel’s Toretto in Rio de Janeiro, assembling a crew for the inevitable one last job. Think of it as a WWE reboot of Heat - with Vin Diesel as De Niro. There is literally nothing believable about the character, least of all his Blade Runner tech, yet from the moment he juggernauts on-screen, barking, “Rule number 2: Stay the fuck out of my way!” at a shrimpy South American cop, this quinquel goes from entertainingly stupid to joyously lunk-headed. His body is hard as marble, his mind as sharp as Marple’s. Clad in a flak jacket and a cage-fighter’s beard, he’s the manhunter “the FBI call when they want to catch someone” (which, presumably, is quite often).
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The best thing, by far, in Fast Five (aka Fast & Furious 5, aka Rio Heist, aka Who Cares As Long As Things Go Fast), Dwayne Johnson hulks through the movie leaving testosterone trails in his wake.
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